Letters To You Crazy Writers
by 10ShizukaYuukiMistress10
Summary: The Naruto characters discover Fanfiction. After reading some of our stories, they feel the need to state some of their likes OR concerns. Letter fic… Crack!
1. Orochimaru

**Letters to you crazy writers**

**Summary:** The Naruto characters discover Fanfiction. After reading some of our stories, they feel the need to state some of their likes OR concerns. Letter fic… Crack!

**A/N: **I know that this is a cliché fanfic, and quite frankly that's why I think I like these fic's so much! :D You know the drill: Take no offense in anything said personally, of course! Please ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I have just read some of your stories about me and would like to ask if you have recently had a sanity check. In no way do I harbour _feelings_ for Sasuke, or anyone in the least. I would do no such thing with him, as unthinkable as that. In case you did not realise, I was merely keeping Sasuke to make him a strong vessel for me. Now would anyone who had _feelings_ actually do that? I didn't think so. And Anko? She was my _student_. Let me spell that out: S-T-U-D-E-N-T. Nothing more, nothing less. In fact, depending on her will power, she wouldn't even be alive courtesy of my **curse** mark experiment. Now what do you think of that? No worry, I will use a forbidden jutsu to erase all the stories including me doing something with someone else that I do not approve of. Continue with you talent in writing – that only applies to people who _can_ write – and good day,

Orochimaru

**A/N: **I have already written up the next couple of chapters, so if you'd like to make requests, then you can, but don't expect to see them immediately! Thanks for reading! Review!

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	2. Sakura

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I have just read some of your stories about me and would like to… _clarify _one or two things.

Firstly, I don't know whether you do it for fun or because you're bored, but WHY would I commit suicide? I am a lot stronger than you seem to realise, and considering that I'm a ninja and have experienced many traumatic things, it is unlikely that I would randomly kill myself, having conveniently forgotten about all my promises about bringing Sasuke-kun back.

Speaking of Sasuke…

I am NO delusional fan girl! You make me act like the only reason why I live is to fantasize over him like some god. He was my teammate and I admired his strength – as would you, especially if you were a teenager going through adolescence for the first time! Have some sympathy, I couldn't help it if I did get slightly obsessive! But there is a line which too many of you have crossed.

I was TWELVE. Why would I want to – to do _that_ with him? Why not an innocent kiss, instead of _that_? And then why would I _force_ him to do that? No, _how_ would I? Sasuke is stronger than me! Grrr! Anyway, I hate the guy. I've gotten over him completely – he's nothing more than a cold criminal.

Here's another thing. My hair is **_NOT_** dyed. It is N-A-T-U-R-A-L. Please remember that. Geez, it's in the name too.

Sakura


	3. Sasuke

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Get a life. I have nothing more to say to you.

Sasuke


	4. Itachi

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Some of you seem to conveniently forget that I sacrificed my own clan in order to keep peace in the Leaf village. I didn't kill them with no purpose, or because I have sanity problems. Moving on; Sasuke is my brother. Let me repeat that. He is my _brother_. Would you even _think_ about doing something like that with your own kin? I didn't think so. And do you even think that Sasuke would let me do that, without **brutally **killing me first? If you did, please do not continue to post stories on this site.

And Kisame? It saddens me to have to visualise such things that you describe me doing with him.

Please just stop it.

Itachi

P.S. And while you're at it, consider getting a Beta for your low quality 'stories'.


	5. Gaara

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Write another story with me doing something like that with Naruto again and I **will **kill you.

Gaara

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you for all your reviews, I'm very glad that you guys like the story so far and I appreciate all of your support! ^^ :D **I'll be posting another chapter later today** since this one is ridiculously short – as was Sasuke's which a lot of you have pointed out! In the next chapter, It'll be Naruto's turn to complain to us! *hides* Stay tuned! ^^ :D


	6. Naruto

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Yo! Uzumaki Naruto here! Believe it!

The reason why I'm writing to you guys is because of the content of some of the stories that you guys are posting about me.

First of all, it's great that I get to be the Orange Hokage and all, because one day I will be! Believe it!

But what's disturbed me most, is well, some of what you call 'pairings'.

Me and Sasuke-teme do _NOT_ have a thing going on. Which is funny, because I've re-watched the Naruto series and I didn't see or remember myself and Sasuke doing anything like THAT.

I love Sakura. _NOT_ Sasuke-teme. Did ya catch that? No? Okay, well for those of you have ear issues: **_I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH THAT JERK! BELIEVE IT!_**

Now don't even bother giving me the excuse of "Oh, but you keep trying so hard to bring him back!".

Reality check: If one of your best friends turned evil and left your village, wouldn't you try to help them, by bringing them back and out of the darkness?

So that's settled then. Just you wait, I'll bring that teme back!

Here's another thing! How is it that I'm constantly eating ramen like how Choji is constantly eating his potato chips! I don't eat that much ramen, do I?! Huh?!

And why is it that I'm always so clueless? I mean, there's gotta be at least one time in the series that I've done something clever, right? Right?! Well believe it!

But other than that, I guess I'm satisfied – Hey wait! What's this about me doing–

-what do you mean I've gotta end the letter now?! I'M NOT DONE YET!

HEY COME BACK! YOU-

Naruto


	7. Kakashi

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Hey there. My first impression of you is I hate you.

I'm writing to explain my feelings on some of the things that you write about me.

It's quite disturbing.

Why would I fall in love with a girl who, quite frankly, has nothing in the upper compartment, and is what? Half my age? Seriously? And after falling in love with her, why would I admit to her that I'm a paedophile? Are you crazy?! And it only gets worse.

After 'spying' on this innocent girl, why would I want to force her into a bar and get her drunk? Then do THAT with her? Are you freakin' kiddin' me?

In case you have confused Naruto with another anime, I have not once been mentioned as an alcoholic, or even entering a bar before. Yes, I have an obsession with a perverted book, but I have not once done ANYTHING that Jiraiya has written about doing himself.

Please do not even get me started on my former _students_ who are again, half me age! At this very moment, Sasuke would kill me without any hesitation or care. Naruto would… *shudders*… be outraged. And Sakura would pound me into oblivion, then seek out Jiraiya to deal with him for corrupting my mind.

Can you **_PLEASE_** get this into your heads: I would never rape anyone, much less someone of the same gender and 50 years younger than me. For those with no common sense: This includes Naruto, Konohamaru, Sasuke, Sakura, Gaara, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Hinata, Temari, Kiba, Shino, Kankuro, Tenten, Neji, Lee OR Gai – who is my **rival**. If you do not know what the definition of rival is, I suggest you go onto a wonderful search engine called 'Google' and sort yourself out!

And here we go again with the Yaoi pairings. I have NO feelings for Iruka, who I haven't even SPOKEN to, and when I did, it was an argument about my students!

I guess that's it; I better get back to reading Icha Ic – I mean, um, mission reports.

Kakashi


	8. Temari

**A/N:** **I AKNOWLEDGE YOUR REQUESTS**, and I PROMISE you, you'll be seeing the characters you've asked for in a matter of chapters! (Maybe even the very next one for some of you!) It's just that I've already written up all the letters in a certain order, so I don't want to change the order that I've them written in. Stay tuned, they'll be there, when the time is right, so please be patient! Thanks for your reviews! ^^ :D

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I actually don't even know why some of you people are **_allowed_** to post stories on this site. When I read some of these stories about me, I get nightmares.

I mean it.

I get _nightmares_, they're that bad! And believe me, it takes a LOT to give me those.

Where do you get these ideas **_from_**?

Madara Uchiha? Orochimaru? It can't be, because the last time I checked, they didn't know about this site…

Anyway, let's get on, shall we?

First of all, spell my name right! It's Temari! NOT Tamari or Temrari!

And how dare you pair me with my own brothers?! Let me tell you this: The next tornado you see, will be your last!

Temari

P.S. Shikamaru?! REALLY!? He's a good for nothing lazy -


	9. Hinata

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Um, hello… I'm writing to explain a few things to you that I'm sure you've just misunderstood about me.

To begin, I don't always stutter… I think. It's mainly around Naruto. Sp-Speaking of Naruto, I would never ever spy on him while he's doing his… um, business! And I don't follow him around all the time! Also, Hanabi… she's my sister… I just wouldn't even go there. And Neji is my cousin! I love him in a brotherly way! The same goes for Kiba and Shino…

Also, please stop making me seem so… so over-confident all of a sudden in some of your stories. It just g-gets so OOC that I can't even continue to read it without feeling so weak inside... and saddened.

Hinata

P.S. A-Another thing is that you seem to think that my father is… um, evil? I admit, he can sometimes come across as uncaring, but I assure you, his intentions are for the good of our clan.


	10. Deidara

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

You people are crazy, yeah! I'll blow you up in your sleep! You–you monsters!

Sasori is DEAD.

D  
E  
A  
D

He died before I even got to know him properly, un. So stop it! I wouldn't even like him in that way! Same for Tobi – that annoying excuse for a partner, yeah!

And what's with all these stories about me being a girl?! Why do people always mistaken my gender?!

Make that mistake again and I'll turn you into a human explosion! BAM!

And what's with all this Yioa crap? You lowly humans dared to pair me with that Uchiha coward?! He thinks he's so high and almighty, yeah! It's so clear that my art is better than his petty illusions! Haha, just you wait until I blow that Uchiha's arrogant expression off his face with my superior art! I'll get my revenge, yeah!

Do you want to see the true meaning of my art too, un? BAM!

Deidara

P.S. Art is a bang, yeah!


	11. Shino

**Dear Narutofanfiction writers,**

I have re-read some of the letters that have already been posted, and can only really agree with Sasuke, which saddens me, because I wasn't invited to his retrieval mission.

Get a life. I have nothing more to say to you.

Shino

P.S. In case some of you didn't already know: Cats don't talk, pigs can't fly and fairies don't exist. It's the same with me: I am NOT a human bug container or the shell of a gigantic bug. It's simple common sense and logic. If I was one, don't you think that the Hokage would've gotten a BIT suspicious by now? My body is simply inhabited by my bugs which live in symbiosis with my being. I am Shino Aburame - therefore a member of the highly elite _Aburame_ clan. Our clan members are born with a specific breed of insects. Not simply 'bugs' which is a plural, and is implying that I could have spiders or ants living inside of me - how absurd. The Aburame breed something called _kikaichū_ insects which are parasitic insects. Yes, they're a specific breed. Not the nonsense your getting out about poisonous mosquitos and dragonflies and bees. In fact, there is another clan similar to my own which specialise with bees. I'd rather not discuss that particular clan at the moment though. As I was saying -

- It seems I must stop here. But I'm sure that I've gotten my point across.

* * *

**A/N: I'll be posting another chapter later on today** because I'm jetting off tomorrow for two weeks, and therefore you won't be hearing from me in a while. ^^ I hope you liked this chapter, and thank you for all your wonderful reviews! In the next chapter it'll be a certain Uchiha villain who we all hate! (coughmadaracough) So stay tuned! ^^ :D


	12. Madara

**Dear Narutofanfiction writers,**

You humans are useless. Die slowly.

Madara

P.S. You know nothing about me, or the reason behind my motives. After I've seized control over the ninja world, I'll be moving on to taking control over you useless human beings!

* * *

**A/N:** And there you have it! I'll see you guys again in September!^^ :D

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	13. Naruto 2 & Kisame

**A/N:** I hope you all had good holidays and rest, because school is back unfortunately! And not just that, but _I'm _back too… which means even more death threats and complaints from the Naruto characters! Here is chapter 13, on the double! ^^ :D

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Now where was I when I got rudely interrupted before? Oh yeah!-

-Nani! What do you mean I'm not allowed to write another letter?! THESE PEOPLE ARE GONNA PAY! HOW COULD-

Naruto

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I can't even imagine what would possess me to do all those things.

Yeah, I look like a shark… GET OVER IT ALRIGHT! And no, I do NOT eat fish all the time like some beast! And why do I always get teased?

You guys are cruel! Show some love for shark boy? I'm not all that bad, ya know… 'cause I don't always bite if you get on the right side of me, ya know what I mean?

Kisame

* * *

**A/N**: And there you have it! I have to thank those of you who reviewed the last chapter, it was nice hearing your responses and I haven't forgotten all of your suggestions! The next chapter is a BIG surprise! ^^ :D

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	14. Tsunade

**A/N: **Greetings everyone! The surprise in this chapter is that, along with the letter, there'll be an actual story-line. It is simply an experiment, where you can see some of the characters reactions. However,** IT IS OPTIONAL TO READ BUT I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT ANYWAY! **Arigato! ^^ :D

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

*Cracks knuckles menacingly* Hehe, I don't know about you but I'm ready to begin!

Do you know how many windows, walls, and tables I've smashed after reading some of what you call 'fanfics'? And how many bottles of sake I've had to drink, just to dull my memory of some of the dreadful things I've come across! The list is endless, I tell you!

That snake Orochimaru… I'll never forgive myself if I fell in love with him, after all that bastard's done! He's the main reason why our former sensei is dead! He's the reason why I'm the goddamn Hokage! Do you know how much paperwork I had to do this morning?!

And that pervert Jiraiya… he had always been a troublemaker from the get go. That fool… he went and got himself killed, leaving me as the only Sanin left! I hate to say it but he wasn't that bad. But this?! Me and him doing WHAT?!

That brat Naruto… such a pesky ninja. He reminds me of Jiraiya, but the kid's a workaholic! Always wanting mission after mission after mission. I have yet to get rid of him for good. Maybe I'll have a little conversation with Gaara, Suna's kazekage…

However, DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD HE IS COMPARED TO ME?! I use a special jutsu to look young! Please get that into your heads! Or would you like me to do that for you? My hands aren't always used for healing…

That brainy girl Sakura… she's a talented kunoichi. One day she'll surpass me, I'm sure of it. The only problem is that temper of hers. What's this? I drink a little bit too much sake and – oh my – what?! WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

And that's not all! You've barely heard the half of it!

Some of you forget that I'M the Hokage now! I make the rules, and people who don't follow them get to answer to my fists!

Tsunade

P.S. SLAM!

There! Another desk, broken!

* * *

**SIDE-STORY PART I **

"Outrageous!"

"Unheard of!"

"Despicable!"

The Leaf village was in a state of chaos. After the Mist village had given the Hokage important news about a certain story fandom site, all of Konoha's ninja had straight away read the stories, and decided to write letters, entrusting them to a certain super-cool ninja called Yuuki (coughmecough) to deliver to them to us all.

Naruto paced up and down the Hokage office impatiently.

"C'mon Tsunade-baachan! What's taking so long! Haven't they got my letters yet!" Naruto wined.

The Hokage tapped her fingers against her destroyed desk, trying to not lose her temper again.

"How many times must I tell you. You can only send one letter, Naruto! Or else they'll continue to cut you off." Tsunade grumbled. _I wonder if they've received my letter yet too…_

"Well then why don't we just go over there and beat them up for… for… ya know, pairing me up with _him_!"

Naruto turned around and pointed to where Uchiha Sasuke was leaning coolly against the office door. He simply turned away and stared boredly out of the office window. "Tch."

"Well Tsunde-baachan?!"

The Hokage sighed tiredly. "Fine Naruto. Do whatever you want." _I think I need some more sake…_

The blonde ninja exclaimed happily and rushed out of the office, only to be stopped by the Hokage.

"Don't forget to tell Kakashi so he can assemble a team for you."

Naruto grinned widely and nodded. "Come on Sasuke!"

"Hn." Grudgingly, the Uchiha avenger followed Naruto out of the office. As they walked away from the Hokage tower, Naruto suddenly remembered something and scratched his head uncomfortably.

"Hey Sasuke… did you read those stories too?"

Sasuke's eyes darkened. "Hn." He turned away and began to walk off, clearly uncomfortable too.

"I'll take that as a yes then…" Naruto muttered, as he also turned away and went to find Kakashi. No doubt that Copy ninja was busy reading a certain perverted book of his…

XXXXX

Team Gai were gathered in their usual training grounds, trying to take their minds off the recent out-roars about a certain fandom story site. Unfortunately for them, this did not happen.

"Gai sensei, why have no stories been written about me yet! Am I not a splendid ninja like you've said?!" Lee complained. When he'd heard about the recent news, straight away he rushed to read the stories, hoping to find one with him and Sakura…

"My, my, Lee. Have I not taught you anything? Patience, my boy. It's all about patience. They're sure to acknowledge you after you master this new jutsu I'm going to show you!" Gai shouted animatedly. "Come with me, my youthful student! We'll do 1000 laps around Konoha first, then we'll do 100 Leaf lotus's as a warm up!"

"YES GAI SENSEI!" Lee cried, leaving behind his two other teammates who were face-palming.

"Please tell me he can't be serious…" Tenten mumbled tiredly. "Is he trying to turn Lee into a super-human taijutsu sage or something?!"

"It seems so." Neji agreed.

After a moment of silence, Tenten spoke up again. "Hey Neji… did you read those stories too?" She asked shyly.

Neji shook his head. "No. I have no time for such trivial things. Why?"

"Oh, um, nothing." Tenten said quickly.

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I-I'm not blushing…"

"You're lying, Tenten." Neji stated plainly, as he activated byakugan.

XXXXX

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto shouted.

Kakashi looked up from his book, and jumped down from the fence he was sitting on. He rubbed his head guiltily, thinking Naruto was there to tell him off for skipping today's training session.

"Naruto-kun! How may I help you!" Kakashi said, plastering a fake smile on his face.

"Huh? You're acting suspicious today sensei. I'm only here to ask you something! Believe it!"

Kakashi sighed in relief. "Oh. Then what is it?" He said, before adding. "And why isn't Sasuke with you?"

Naruto turned purple, remembering why Sasuke had left. "He, um, had something he needed to do. B-Believe it!"

"Alright, Naruto. What is it you wanted?"

"I got Tsunade-baachan's permission to go and beat the living day lights outta those fangfick writers!"

"Don't you mean fanfic? And I think you should stop calling the Hokage that. One day she's really going to snap."

Naruto shrugged. "I think she already has. Her office looks like it had another war inside of it. Hmm… sensei, are you trying to change the subject?"

"Oh, no, of course not!" _I need to work on being more subtle… Naruto is catching on quickly. And just when I was getting to the good part of my book! *mentally sighs* I guess I'll have to do what he wants…_

"Now where do I come in here? Does she want me to assemble a team to go and help you?"

"Yeah, but aren't you excited?! We'll be getting our revenge! Gee, what type of stories were written about you, huh sensei?"

Kakashi turned purple, and when he spoke, his voice was unusually high and squeaky.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

Naruto was too distracted to notice his sensei's odd behaviour.

"Look that's Sakura-chan! Let's ask her to join us!"

XXXXX

**A/N: **This was just something new… I was experimenting it out. If you liked that I've mixed in some sort of story-line with the letters, then I can continue this new mix to the fic. I still have a few more letters to go – about 6 – so the story ends at 20 chapters. Does that sound nice? I am no longer taking anymore suggestions for the letters (I've got most of the characters you've asked for written up), but **I will be taking suggestions for the new side-story. This means that I can write about any character/s and their reactions in normal story writing, like in this chapter.**

I hope you liked it! If ya didn't then, as I said, this was just an experiment. ^^ :D

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	15. Choji & Lee

**A/N: **I wasn't originally planning on it, but I decided to update this story today! Blimey, you guys sure are getting to be a spoilt bunch! But your my favourites so I don't mind so much… ^^ :D HERE IS CHAPTER… 15! ^^ :D

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I'll have you know that I'm not fat. Just pleasingly plump.

I'll also have you know that I stopped constantly eating potato chips when I turned sixteen. I took Ino's advice on starting a diet. But c'mon! I had to eat them so much to keep up my strength and energy! I gotta be busty for my jutsus to work!

Choji

P.S. If you call me a fatso I'll hunt you down!

* * *

**SIDE-STORY PART II**

Sakura banged her head repeatedly against the wall, then punched it with all her might.

"You – what?!" She yelled at the blond haired ninja trying to calm her down.

"Sakura-chan, I just said we're going to strike back and get our revenge from those evil fangfic writers! Are your ears ok? I think you might be going deaf… maybe you should have a check-up—"

"Baka! I heard what you said perfectly fine!" Sakura yelled at Naruto, scaring him immensely. He was afraid she might hit him, just like the poor wall. Naruto snook a quick glance at it and noticed that it was now completely destroyed.

Naruto sweat dropped. "S-Sakura-chan…"

"Are you crazy! Those writers could be working with the Akatsuki or something! What do you mean 'Let's go and beat them up'?!"

Naruto's forehead was dripping with sweat. "Well when I first thought it up, it sounded like a good idea so I guess I just wanted to try it out, ya know?"

"Gah!" Sakura struggled to contain her anger. "You knucklehead! We can't just dive into action like that anyway! We need a proper plan!"

Naruto considered this for a moment, then perked up. "So does this mean that you're in, Sakura-chan?"

The medic ninja sighed. "Ah, well I don't know. I seems too risky. I'm worried about how much danger it'll put us in – I mean, we know close to nothing about these 'fanfic writers' people. What if they _are_ the Akatsuki?"

XXXXX

Many of the Akatsuki members were sneezing. "Is someone talking about us, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi exclaimed excitedly.

"How should I know? And besides, who would want to talk about _you_?"

"Deidara-sempai has an admirer!" Tobi screamed at the top of his lungs.

"What the hell?" Hidan emerged from the doorway and entered the room. He looked like he'd only just woken up. "What's the idiot screaming about now?" He asked Deidara drowsily.

"Just forget it, yeah!"

The three Akatsuki members turned their heads towards the doorway again when the silhouette of their leader stepped through.

"I have a mission for you, Tobi and Deidara," Said Pein quietly. "… I want you to find something called 'fanfics', and destroy them as soon as you can. There have been rumours from the Hidden Mist village of these fanfics… they're said to be very deadly and have caused a number of people to suffer from traumatising nightmares and causes a number of ninja to take rash actions against each other … I see it as a threat to our organisation. Deidara, I give you permission to… use your 'art' and eliminate this threat by no means possible. Tobi, you are to do the same."

Pein then silently turned to leave and slid back into the shadows without another word.

Deidara's eyes were bulging out of their sockets in repulse.

When you're asking for two rivals to work together, it's like waving one slab of meat for two starved animals to catch. And how does that end?

"You've got to be kidding me, yeah! Why do I have to go with _him_!" Deidara ranted angrily, slapping his hand over Tobi's mouth before he could shout a protest. Tobi squirmed uncontrollable behind his hand, as if something was frightening him.

"Hey Deidara… what the hell are you doing to Tobi?"

"MUHMUH HUMH HUMHUM HUMHUHHHHHHHHH!" Tobi was crying hysterically, and without a moment's hesitation, Deidara lifted his hand.

There was a moment of silence in which Tobi burst out of the room crying at the top of his lungs, and Deidra's hand licked its mouth hungrily.

"…Er – What the hell! That's nastier than Kakuzu repeatedly pulling out his hearts!" Hidan turned around and slouched away muttering to himself. "… these people, all of 'em… messed up in the head I tell ya Jashin! …. Gotta get away from here…"

Deidara wasn't listening to Hidan cursing, but instead thinking over the mission he was just given.

"_What was our mission again? Find and destroy fangficks? Hummm, that'll be my next chance to show off my dazzling art, YEAH!"_

XXXXX

Sasuke was just returning from his walk around the village when he spotted Sakura and Naruto discussing something in hushed tones.

He considered going over to see what they were up to, just out of curiosity, but dismissed it almost immediately. However, just as he was about to turn away, the dobe had to look up and see him.

"Hey teme! Over here!"

Sasuke growled in irritation, and at this, Sakura raised her eyebrows. "Well, you don't have to join if you don't want to… I mean, it's pretty useless if you ask me… Naruto's just insisting on it, so I – "

"…Insisting on what?" Sasuke asked sharply with narrowed eyes.

"Getting revenge, duh teme! We're going to ambush these fangfick writers and bring them down! Believe it!"

"Fanfic!" Sakura corrected briskly with a little grin of her own. _"I've decided I don't want to be left out of the fun anymore! Bring it on, CHA!"_

Sakura had a score to settle with these fanfic writers too.

"Well?" Naruto prompted the Uchiha avenger.

"I'm in," Sasuke said, "if its revenge we're trying to get, then you should have said that to begin with."

XXXXX

Lee was jumping around his team's training grounds with an unbelievable level of enthusiasm.

"I DID IT! I MASTERED THE JUTSU, GAI SENSEI!" He cried happily, and together he and his sensei hugged behind the blinding sunset which seemed to follow them everywhere when they were being emotional.

"Oh, please Lee," Neji said sharply, "you probably couldn't even beat me with whatever jutsu you've just mastered." He said.

But Lee wasn't listening to Neji. Instead, he was barricading his sensei with thanks.

"I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, SENSEI!"

Gai looked down upon his student dramatically, with a proud smile over his face. He then gave Lee the thumbs up.

"Now, now, Lee, my youthful student. One day you are sure to blossom into a splendid ninja, and some day surpass even me! You did well today… now go! And shower Konoha with our cool youthfulness!"

Lee nodded and was about to shoot off when Tenten stopped him, with a raised eye brow.

"Um… Lee? Didn't you just master that jutsu to impress those fanfic writers and make them write stories about you?"

"You are right, Tenten! Thank you for reminding me! I must now check and see if they have paired me with my beloved Sakura-chan!"

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

My youthful writers! What a joy it has been to read your splendid stories about me! Indeed, I strongly encourage the power of youth, which you have used incredibly by writing about me! I am Konoha's green beast, after all! Follow my example and do 1000 laps, 1000 kicks, 1000 punches, 1000 squat thrusts and you'll soon blossom into a splendid ninja, just like me!

LET THE POWER OF YOUTH TAKE CONTROL!

Lee

P.S. For the best results, purchase a green spandex and get a bowl hair-cut just like me and Gai sensei!

* * *

**A/N: **As suggested by _Aelia Mikoto Uchiha_, I wrote part of today's side story on the Akatsuki! I hope you liked this chapter and as I said before, keep the suggestions coming for the side story if there's anyone you'd particularly like to see in it! ^^ :D

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	16. Hidan

**A/N: **Did anyone notice that Lee's letter was the only letter that gave us praise, instead of death threats and complaints? See! I'm not completely evil! Okay, well anyway, THANK YOU for your wonderful reviews! Here in this chapter, since it's Hidan and he swears A LOT, I'm going to be substituting those bad words… ^^ :D

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

YOU # !%&# !

I'LL KILL YOU ALL, HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE ALMIGHTY JASHIN, YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR THIS!

LUCKY FOR YOU, I'M IN A GOOD MOOD TO MAKE SACRIFICES, JUST YOU WAIT UNTIL I FIND YOU, I'LL ETERNALLY SEARCH WITHOUT REST UNTIL I CAPTURE YOUR HEADS!

NOW BOW YOUR HEADS BEFORE MY BLADE, YOU FILTHY # !%&# ! NO ONE INSULTS THE ALMIGHTY LORD JASHIN AND GETS AWAY WITH IT, YOU SON O–

Hidan

P. S. IF I EVER FIND YOU I'LL BRUTALLY SACRIFICE YOU TO MY ALMIGHTY LORD JASHIN!

**SIDE STORY PART III**

Hidan was pacing around the Akatsuki hideout, swinging his Triple-Bladed Scythe around in anger.

"Deidara! Where the # !%&# hell are you?! I'm coming with you on that mission! I'LL KILL THOSE DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE TO THE ALMIGHTY LORD JASHIN!"

Hidan laughed a sinister and malicious laugh, so overly in the mood to be murderous that he'd forgotten the recent incident with Diedara and Tobi.

He sauntered around a corner, completely missing the orange-masked member who was quivering in the dark. "... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-T – " Tobi kept muttering to himself hysterically, with his arms wrapped around himself, rocking back and forth in a traumatised way.

Deidara was just leaving his room, and walking down the corridor, when he bumped into Hidan, who let out a chain of curses at the collision.

"Watch where you're going, yeah!" Deidara shouted aggressively, "… or I'll blow you up with my art, uhm!"

Hidan wasn't listening. "Look, if you're going on that mission right now, then let me come with you! I'LL KILL THOSE DISRESPECTFUL PEOPLE TO THE ALMIGHT JASHIN!" Hidan shouted.

Yesterday, after over-hearing the leader telling Deidara and Tobi their mission about destroying the fanfics, he decided to check them out – see if there was anything there that he could claim as disrespectful or foul about his almighty god…

Diedara considered this for a moment. "… I can ditch Tobi and go with Hidan instead… uhm!" He muttered to himself, smirking slightly. He didn't care that it was Hidan here, anyone was better than that headache-giving Tobi!

"Are you # !%&# done yet, because I could be slaughtering some humans and making sacrifices right now!" Hidan pushed, impatiently. He then effortlessly lifted his Triple-Bladed Scythe over a shoulder, and was about to turn away when Diedara brought out a hand to still him.

"Hey wait, yeah! I've come to a decision and – "

"Get that thing away from me!" Hidan yelled, pointing in disgust at Diedara's hand.

This hit a nerve. "…Whatever, uhm! You can come on the mission with me, just let me get my clay, yeah."

Deidara turned briskly, leaving Hidan to curse with impatience as he slouched restlessly against the stone walls, muttering about being in the mood to kill and make some sacrifices.

Deidara was just turning the corner, when he tripped over something. "Why do I keep crashing into things, yeah!"

"... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-Tobi is a good boy!... T-T-T – " Chanted whatever he had tripped over.

Deidara raised an eyebrow, and grabbed Tobi who was shrivelled up in the corner, by the collar.

"… T-T-TOBI IS A GOOD BOY! T-T-TOBI IS A GOOD BOY – " Tobi was now screaming. He was making such a ruckus that Deidara roughly let go before their leader would hear.

"Shut up, yeah! Are you trying to get me in trouble with Leader, uhm!

Tobi looked at Deidara frighteningly, "Deidara-sempai I'm so scared! Every time I closed my eyes, I see your hand inching to bite my face off!"

Diedara smirked as a dark though entered his mind. "… What, you mean this hand?" He brought out his hands and the mouths made sucking gestures.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tobi – is – a – good – boy!" Tobi once again burst into tears, crying at the top of his lungs. He ran around the corridor, then turned to go back into his corner when –

BANG!

"# !%&# ! Watch where you're # !%&# going # !%&# !" Hidan swore, peeling Tobi off of him.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" And then Tobi disappeared into the shadows…

As Hidan continued to curse, Deidara was just coming out of his chambers with a pouch full of explosive clay.

"Let's go and find and destroy those fangficks, uhm!"

"Took you long enough! You move as slow as a genin, how the hell did you get into the Akatsuki! The will of the almighty Lord Jashin has been waiting, and it shall be declared very soon!" Hidan shouted, before absently musing over something; _"… I wonder if those fangfick writers have received my letter yet…"_

XXXXX

Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke were wondering around the village – with purpose, of course – in search of new members to recruit to their revenge squad. Naruto had even come up with a new name for the squad – 'KissYourAssesGoodbyeFangfick sBelieveIt Squad'. It had been a choice between that, or (as suggested by Sakura) FanficsExtermination Squad.

But since Naruto had to have a say in it ("… but that name is so simple, Sakura-chan, believe it!"), and Sasuke refused to choose, it ended up being Naruto's name choice.

"Now who would be willing to get revenge with us from those fanfic writers?" Sakura asked Naruto, deciding that Sasuke wasn't in the mood to help them. He was obviously still annoyed about being dragged around the village by them.

"Hmmm…" Naruto looked around hopefully, until his eyes lit up when he noticed….

"…. Hinata-chan!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Hinata? But – " It was too late. Naruto was already running up to the shy Hyuuga girl as she was headed towards the Hyuuga compound.

"Wait up Hinata!" Naruto shouted, and she stopped with a look of disbelief in her eyes. Her face quickly heated at the sight of Naruto running towards her. "… N-Naruto-kun!"

Sakura could only look on at the disaster that was about to unfold.

"Hinata-chan, would you come with me for a sec? I have some exciting news to tell you! I'm sure you'll agree though, we'll have a heck of a time! I can't wait to do it as well, it'll be so much fun!" And of course, Naruto just had to word his request in such a way that it hinted – oh, I don't know – eloping!

Naruto grinned widely at the girl. _"Heeehe, beating the living daylights outta those fangfick writers will be so much fun, believe it!" _Naruto thought obliviously, until he finally noticed how red Hinata was.

"Hinata-chan, are you OK?! Let me check your temperature…" Naruto nonchalantly reached out to place a hand on her forehead, but before he could, she fainted.

The moment Hinata had fainted though, was the moment that Sakura's temper had flared up.

"… NARUTO YOU BAKA! NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" Sakura charged up to Naruto – steam rolling out of her ears – clocked him in the head, then started shouting again, "…. IDIOT!"

Sasuke could only look on from the side-lines, with an expression that could only be distinguished as amusement.

"… But what did I do wrong this time, Sakura-chan?!" Naruto groaned, clutching his head in agony.

"That must have been torture for poor Hinata-chan! DON'T YOU KNOW SHE LIKES YOU!"

But _conveniently,_ Naruto was not listening to Sakura at that moment in time and space.

"Look, let me take her to the medical unit then!" Naruto reasoned in concern.

"No, I'll do it!" Sakura turned on her heel, carefully slung Hinata over her shoulder, then stomped off, huffing and puffing.

Naruto just shrugged. _"Women…"_

"Well Sasuke, who else should we ask to join our cool revenge team?" Naruto said to the Uchiha, after he'd rubbed his head and waited for the bruises to heal – in only a few minutes, courtesy of his bijuu power.

"How should I know?" Saskue replied plainly.

"You're not being very helpful, d'ya know that, Sasuke-teme?"

"Tch." Sasuke just ignored him, clearly more interested in glaring at his surroundings.

"… I know!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed, "… how about Gaara?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but shrugged anyway. "Hn."

Naruto dragged him to the Hokage tower, and bursts into Tsunade's office without even bothering to knock.

"Tsunade-baachan!" Naruto bellowed, "Give me permission to use a messenger hawk so that I can write to Gaara!"

The next thing he knew, a chair was being thrown at him, and a fist came pummelling into his stomach.

_"… I'm such a baka! I should have remembered Kakashi's warning about calling the Hokage baachan!"_

XXXXX

Sabaku no Gaara was busy in his Kazekage office, trying to tackle down a large pile of paperwork. He was just signing off a peace treaty to the Grass village – his signature was more or less a wonky scribble – when Temari walked into the room, looking quite exasperated.

"Gaara! Please will you banish Kankuro for the eleventh time! Do you know what he did today? _Nothing_! Nada! He was supposed to be doing guard duty with me, but guess what? He was busy hunching over those – those _stupid _dolls of his! Gah! And when I try to talk to him, it's like the only thing existing in that room is him and his puppets! – " Temari stopped midway in her rant, to finally notice that Gaara wasn't listening to her…

She was just about to ask him what was so interesting that he couldn't even listen to her for one minute, when he quickly looked up and seemed to only be seeing her in his office for the first time.

"Is there something the matter?"

Temari huffed. She wasn't haven't any of this.

"Don't talk all professional with me!" Temari snapped, then peered at him closely; "When was the last time you slept, huh Kazekage?" She looked at Gaara sceptically. "Your even more unfocused than usual… don't tell me the One-Tail's is giving you trouble?"

Gaara shook his head, but he did consider what she was saying. He really did need a break.

The Kazekage sighed as he stood up and walked around his desk. "… I'm going outside, do you want to join me?"

Temari's eyes lit up, as she keenly lifted up her giant fan and rushed after Gaara as he stepped out onto the balcony. Even just standing on the balcony and neglecting his paper work for a few minutes would be a good enough a vacation as any.

There was a nice sunset lighting up the desert village with a calm orange glow; it felt like all their worries would melt away… however…. –

SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!

Temari jumped at the sudden interruption to their once peaceful evening, as the silhouette of a winged creature swooped down in front of them.

"It's a messenger hawk – from Konoha – it has the Leaf's crest." Gaara said calmly, trying to reach out for it, as it excitedly continued to squawk.

SQUAWK! SQUAWK! SQUAWK!

"Gah! That stupid bird's giving me a headache!" Temari reached out for her fan; slicing off one leg couldn't do too much harm, surely – anything would do to stop the headache-giving nuisance.

But Gaara brought out a hand to stop her, and at the same time, he controlled a sting of sand which snook up behind the bird, and unravelled the tie holding the scroll to its leg.

He opened it, and Temari peered over his shoulder.

_To: GAARA_

_HEY BUDDY! THIS IS NARUTO WRITING, BELIEVE IT! HEEHEE, SMILEY FACE! :D_

_ANYWAY, I'M WRITING TO ASK YOU TO HELP ME WITH THIS TOP SECRET REVENGE MISSION! IT'LL BE SOOOOOOOO MUCH FUN! D'YA KNOW ABOUT THOSE RUMOURS GOING AROUND IN THE MIST VILLAGE? ABOUT THESE THINGS CALLED 'FANGFICKS'? YEAH, WELL YOU'VE GOTTA CHECK THEM OUT, BELIEVE IT! ME, SAKURA, SASUKE, AND KAKASHI-SENSEI ARE GONNA GO AND BEAT THE LIVING DAY LIGHTS OUTTA THEIR MAKERS! WE THINK IT'S SECRETLY THE AKATSUKI, GAARA! _

_HEEHEE! :D SO WHAT D'YA THINK, GAARA? WILL YOU JOIN?!_

_NARUTO ;')_

_P.S. OH, AND ANOTHER THING: WILL YOU ASK SOME OTHER PEOPLE FROM YOUR VILLAGE TO JOIN MY REVENGE SQUAD? WE'VE GOTTA HAVE A LOT OF FOLLOWERS! IT'LL BE AN ALL-OUT-WAR!_

As soon as the messenger hawk had seen them finish reading the letter, it spread its wings out and flew away, with one last squawk.

"That brat!" Temari muttered under her breath.

Gaara just smirked as he folded up the letter, and returned to his office, with his fan-wielding sister at his heels.

"… So? Are you going to agree to join the kid?" Temari asked curiously, if not hopefully. It had been a while since she'd last seen Shikamaru… and if Gaara did agree, he would have to go down to the Leaf village, with her and Kankuro as escorts. And although the twerp was a lazy, insufferable good-for-nothing genius, Temari still wanted to see him if she could…

"Yes, I don't see why else," Then Gaara looked at Temari with his emotionless eyes for a very long moment, and she was sure he was reading through her mind. "… you would like to see that Nara boy, am I correct?"

Temari sweat dropped and started spluttering, "…O-Oh, um, well – you see, I-I uh… um, well …"

Gaara watched with amusement, only catching onto "… gu-guard duty… gotta – gotta get Kankuro…", before she disappeared.

* * *

**NOW THE NEXT FEW THINGS I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY CONFUSING AND EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, SO READ ****VERY****_CAREFULLY_****! **^^ :D

Okay, so even though I said before that I wouldn't be taking in anymore suggestions for the letters, I'm in the mood to be nice today, so here's a little poll; choose which character you'd like to see in the next chapter's letter!

**Poll: WHICH CHARACTER DO YOU WANT TO SEE FEATURED IN THE NEXT LETTER?**

A) Ino?

B) Shikamaru?

C) Neji?

D) Sai?

E) Naruto… again?

F) Jiraiya?

G) Kiba?

H) Sasori?

I) Tobi?

J) Other? (If so, please state who. Keep in mind that it can be characters who have already done letters too…)

**A/N: **As requested by_ The Kazekage of Suna_, and _Aelia Mikoto Uchiha_,Gaara and the sand siblings were in the side-story! I hope I did them OK…! ^^ :D

And as asked by_ BrownHairedKunoichi_, whether this story is set in Part I or Shippuden – that's a good question, actually – I'd have to say Shippuden! You have a point, and if you've asked this then I'm sure that there are many other people thinking this too… ah, my mind… a very beautiful place to be in! Erm, because Sasuke's in it when he shouldn't be, really, let's just pretend that the part of the side story that he's in it, is set in Naruto part I, then the part of the side story with the Akatsuki and Gaara as the Kazekage, in Shippuden… I DON'T KNOW! I AM REALLY CONFUZZLED! Ok, how about Sasuke never left the Leaf village! Or that the war is over and – SPOILER ALERT – Naruto has brought him back…^^ :D

It's up to you guys! It can be set in whatever part of the anime series that you want!

P.S. I'm actually really behind in the manga, I'm ahead of the anime, but I'm still reading the war, so judging from the other the stories that I've read on fanfiction that're set later on in the manga, I'm just making guesses. Yeah, confusing…

Wait, does that mean Tsunade dies in the war? – oh, my, NO, oh please, no – NO ONE TELL ME!

… Oh, and keep the side-story suggestions coming! ^^ :D

Ja ne,

Yuuki


	17. Sai

**A/N: **Heh heh, I haven't updated in a while – but I don't care! SO HA! IN YOUR FACE SUCKAS! ^^ :D

…enjoy!

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

*Places on fake smile*

I am not one to express my emotions very often but this is ridiculous. Just who the & #%!£ do you think you are? Because if you're not the strongest ninja alive, then I suggest you start training – and quick – because I'm sending out my Ink Rats to eat out your eyeballs and the rest of what is left of you when I finish violently kicking your ass.

After discovering what Naruto calls 'fangficks', and reading the ones about me, I couldn't contain these… foreign feelings building up inside my chest – some I welcomed, some I did _not_.

I once read in a book that Sakura gave me, about emotions like love and hate and anger and how they were supposed to feel like. But now that I recall the memory, all that I want to do is unimaginable things to Sakura's ugly head.

I am angry.

You… fangick writers have made me feel emotions again. And now I'm at cost from your stupidity because I am having to activate every Emotion Suppressing Seal that I can find, so that I won't tear up this letter, or write something… inappropriate. How dare you jeopardise my career? If Danzou ever finds out about my… my newfound emotions, I swear I'll deform you to the brink of unrecognizability…

Just what the hell do you think you're playing at? I read one of your 'M-Rated' fangicks about me and Temari… and a nude painting.

Are you trying to make out that I'm a sexual deprived twisted pervert, using my 'art' for such inappropriate activities? And that I am so desperate, that I would be inclined to make a move on _Temari_?

First of all, you don't have a & #%!£ brain, so I'll explain to you carefully that the only uses for my painting, is for FIGHTS.

F

I

G

H

T

S

Fighting. When you take part in a generally violent exchange of physical blows and with the use of weapons.

I very occasionally use my painting for anything other than that. Do your mediocre brains actually think that I'd have time for such trivial things? I'm a & #%!£ Anbu, in the Block Ops, I have time only for training and missions.

Now don't even bother telling me that I had time to watch Naruto train, eat ramen with Naruto, walk with Naruto, talk with Naruto, fight with Naruto, go with Naruto to the hot springs, and so on, because that was to create false bonds between him, to spy on him, and then to tell Danzou.

Second of all, the only reason why I called Ino gorgeous was because someone had told me to say the opposite of what I wanted to say. Which is why I called her ugly afterwards… and before you even continue reading this, if you have the slightest flicker of mental instability, please go and seek psychiatric help…

…now.

And if anyone has a tendency to scream and run away when they see something like a spider, then you should just kill yourself now and get it over with because what I'm painting right at this moment, is going to be your worst nightmare.

Now I don't know whether I am permitted to go out and massacre you fangfick writers without it being ordered for, but I don't & #%!£ care anymore, you & #%!£!

Sai

P.S. So, you know what I did? I painted a vicious tiger with razor-sharp pincers on every inch of its body, and sent about five to ten hundred of them… along with the rats, and snakes, and scorpions, and lions, and sharks, and spiders, and wasps, and vultures, and bears, and toads. Oh, and did I say that I'd be sending sixty ravenous wolves as well?

* * *

**SIDE STORY PART IV**

"What is it?" Neji snapped.

"Yeah, what do you want? I'm in the middle of training here!" Tenten complained.

"YOSH! What might be your youthful predicament, fellow comrades?" Lee asked pleasantly.

A beaten up looking Naruto along with a bored looking Uchiha were still in the middle of their quest, trying to gather followers for their 'Secret Revenge Team'.

Thankfully, Gaara had replied almost immediately, confirming his unwavering support to the team, and that he'd gather some more followers from his village.

But for the past hour or so, Naruto had stupidly tried to persuade Jiraiya with the Sexy jutsu, right in front of a ravenous Haruno. The ending results were not enjoyable for either sides.

Sakura had yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled, and yelled…

… and yelled.

The only people left to persuade to join the squad now, were Shikamaru's team and Lee's team.

"Where art thou be my beautiful Cherry Blossom?" Lee asked, looking crestfallen. "… Sakura is not hurt, is she?"

Sasuke suddenly snapped his head up, and looked _quite _provoked. "Why don't you seem to get the message that she's not interested, idiot."

He then turned away, muttering something incomprehensible.

Lee just shrugged it off, turning to Naruto expectantly. "Well, Uzumaki-san? My team wish to continue training, so what is your need of us?"

Naruto grinned widely. "Bushy-Brows, what I want is for you guys to join my revenge squad!"

Then he swerved around to Tenten and Neji. "Haven't you read the fangficks yet? I mean, there was one where you two ha –

"—don't even finish that sentence, Uzumaki. I am fully aware of the… content, of these _fanfics_."

Tenten nodded vigorously, sweat dropping. "Y-Yeah… it doesn't take a – a genius, to, uh, to k-know…. um, stuff – yeah…"

Naruto shrugged, brushing it off easily. "Well, yeah. If you want your payback – and I _mean_, payback – then join! Ya won't regret it! Believe it!"

Naruto snickered, clearly too excited.

Tenten shrugged half-heartedly. "What do you say, Neji? I think I'd like to see how well my kunais go through their sensitive spots! I'm in!"

Naruto exclaimed victoriously. "C'mon Neji-teme! Join!"

Neji shook his head firmly. But then his eyes softened and he sighed. "Just don't call me… that, OK? I'll join. I also have some… business to settle with these fanfic writers. I think I will do some extra training, just to make sure that I'm … ready."

Then, Tenten added in a soft undertone. "… more like ready to pound the hell out of them, that's what!"

Naruto was hopping on the balls of his feel, as he turned and yelled. "HEY! BUSH-BROWS!"

Lee snapped his head up from jogging enthusiastically on the spot. "Nine-hundred and ninety-eight! I was so close! Nwa, what's wrong then, Naruto-san?"

Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but stopped, and took a moment to repeat what Lee had said in his mind, making sure to pay attention to the actual words.

_Hey… hold on a sec! How could he have done so many jogs on the spot? It's only been a minute!_

Naruto shrugged, not questioning the impossibleness of it all.

"… Oh yeah! So are you in, Bush-Brows? With the Revenge Squad?"

"YOSH! I will do anything, my youthful rival Uzumaki-san! You have my eternal loyalty!"

Lee pumped up his fists in the air energetically, and all the while Sasuke scowled even deeper, as dark thoughts entered his mind. _Now another dobe will be joining this Revenge team? Great… just great._

Sasuke's dark thoughts were broken by Naruto's shouts. "TEME! OVER HERE! LET'S GO ALREADY!"

As they walked away, a head of pink hair came into view as Sakura bounded towards them.

"Was it successful, then?" she called, "did you get Lee's team to join us?"

Naruto yelled back immediately, and when Sakura finally caught up to them (missing the way Sasuke kept constantly glaring behind at where Lee was training), she spilled the beans.

"… Well I've just been to Tsunade-sama, and asked if we can go to the Tea village to gather more allies. She said yes! What do you think?"

Naruto was barely containing his outburst of glee. "This is great, Sakura-chan! Let's go now! C'mon, Sasuke-teme! It'll be just like old times! Believe it!"

XXX

And so they departed.

They had only travelled for the remainder of the afternoon when it happened. They had just been innocently passing through a forest that had been so eerily quiet, when Sasuke activated Sharingan and pointed out that there were two massive chakra signatures ahead.

Blindly, like an oblivious baby playing with matches, they continued on, unknowing who they would meet, or what was in store for them…

coughtwosclassbadassninjasco ugh…

So when they all collided in a big heap, with lots of cursing, and scrambling struggles, and hasty grabbing of weapons, and more cursing, and then a bit of yelling, and then… realisation.

….so as you can see, it wasn't pretty.

Finally, Sasuke – who had been the only one to remain calm through the whole ordeal – spoke up and stated, "…You're the Akatsuki."

Sakura gasped. They had been moving so fast when they had collided with the two Akatsuki members (who had been moving equally as quickly at the time time), it had just been a big bur.

Sakura was about to blindly swing a fist full of her chakra at them, when Sasuke stilled her.

"Wait. Let's hear what their business here is first."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, and nodded. "Yeah, if they're here for trouble, then we'll take them out and head straight back to inform Tsunade baachan,"

Sasuke and Sakura both nodded in return, then the trio turned back to the enemy.

"Listen you two! Tell us your business here or else!" Naruto threatened, which earned him a meaningful shove in the ribs, by both Sasuke and Sakura.

"What did he just say?" Said the one with silvery hair, who spat on the ground, and then looked back up at them, a sinister expression in place. "How & #%!£ dare you!"

Sasuke scoffed, activating his Sharingan. When he'd activated it, the other Akatsuki member, the one with sun-coloured hair and mouths on his hands, widened his eyes in recognition. Then, he frowned deeply.

It was quite evident that he was already taking a disliking to Sasuke. "You – the Uchiha, yeah." He said, reaching in a hand for some clay, "—take this, uhm!"

BOOM!

Everyone coughed, as the clay detonated and a dust cloud filled the clearing. Hidan swore like never before.

"Asshole! What the & #%!£ ! You & #%!£ bastard! TO HELL WITH YOU!"

The dust cleared, and Deidara frowned to see that the trio were still alive, including Sasuke. How had they escaped that? Substitution jutsu?

"Shut up… uhm!" Deidara hissed at Hidan.

Sakura had had enough. She pulled up her sleeves, and narrowed her eyes all business-like.

"Look, you're outnumbered and even if you _are _the Akatsuki, I'm sure you've got something important to do, and interruptions like these aren't what you need,"

Deidara muttered something and Hidan just grunted, but he didn't lower his grip on his weapon.

Sakura continued. "… so why don't you just tell us what you're here for – if it's to slaughter some innocent people, then we have a problem with that. But if it isn't, then we might as well be on our ways and pretend that this encounter never happened."

"But what if I don't want to let you pass us, huh bitc—

"—finish that word and you'll pay with your life, mister!" Sakura said heatedly.

Hidan smirked. "You're making threats to an Akatsuki member? I admire you're spirit – nothing more. Now move your & #%!£ assess, I have some revenge to settle."

Sasuke and Naruto perked up. "Revenge?"

Deidara nodded, but scrutinised them with suspicion. "Yeah, revenge. What's it to you, yeah?"

Naruto spoke up immediately. "Is it revenge from those fangfick writers?"

"Fanfi– " Sakura began to correct, but they already seemed to be on the same page as Naruto, because Hidan suddenly yelled.

"Don't speak the name of those tainted people in my presence! NOT UNTIL I HAVE THEIR & #%!£ HEADS!"

Deidara nodded with a smirk. "That's what we're here for. We're on our way to the Mist village to find this Yuuki ninja, she's supposedly the most talented, amazing, skilful, ingenious, perfect, sexy, marvellous, Mary-Sue Style ninja!"

(**A/N: **Just for the contrary, Yuuki is me, but of course I don't have a head as big as some other writers to add that I am also legendary, fantastic, godly, unbeatable, have every kekkei genkai known to exist in both my eyes – which happen to be purple, red, gold, pink, and multi-coloured… ok you get the picture. ^^ :D)

Sasuke ignored this, and turned to the trio. "Naruto, Sakura, they know about it, and by the sounds of it, they're trying to get revenge as well. What do you want to do? I say we question them further…" Sasuke added distrustfully through narrowed eyes.

Naruto scratched his chin, not seeming to be in with it. "HEY YOU! THE BLONDE ONE!"

Deidara raised an eyebrow.

"We're trying to get revenge from those fangfick writers too! Believe it! Join our Revenge Squad!"

Sakura hissed indignantly. "_They're the Akatsuki!_ What are you thinking, baka?!"

But it was too late.

"They seem like capable ninja, for kids." Said Hidan critically. "… they'll do, I guess. But we'll have to inform leader about this first."

Deidara still seemed distrustful himself – especially as he glared at Sasuke – but reluctantly nodded.

"Fine, yeah. We'll join you – but first, let's set some rules. If leader does give us permission, in no way does that mean that we'll be anything like comrades – just slaughtering some foolish ninjas for writing about… about – oh, forget it, yeah!"

Sasuke smirked smugly. "… Read something you didn't like?"

"SHUT UP, UCHIHA! UHM!"

XXX

Deidara and Hidan used this jutsu that made them appear back at the Akatsuki base as telegrams. Naruto had indignantly demanded to speak with their leader too, so they grudgingly let him.

And like Naruto always somehow manages to do, he worked his magic in persuading Pein to just this once, form an alliance with them, so that both sides could go out for the same revenge together.

Once this was sorted, Deidara turned back to them. "Leader says that you can accompany us on our mission to find this Yuuki person in the Mist village, to find out more information about these fangfick writers, so that we can evaluate a plan to destroy them all."

Hidan lifted up his nose fiercely. "We don't need help from these lowly tainted people!"

"You better watch your mouth!" Sakura threatened, but Hindan just scoffed.

And so they were off, the Akatsuki and the Leaf trio, on their way to the Mist village.

They rowed the boat that would lead them to the borderline of the village, but Hidan and Deidara both indignantly refused to share a boat with the 'tainted heathens', and instead crossed the lake by running on water with chakra.

It actually turned out to be a race, so Naruto used his Rasengan to make the boat go faster, and Sasuke deduced a genjutsu that would trick Deidara and Hidan into going the wrong way, that would actually lead them all the way back.

But unluckily, Deidara saw through the plan with his anti-genjutsu eye, and created a massive clay bird, resorting to travel airborne.

So, do ya want to know what the Leaf trio did?

Naruto conjured up some shadow clones, and the clones hoisted Sakura up, then they threw her towards the clay bird, and she struck it with all the chakra that she could muster into her fist.

BOOM!

In the end, all they did was just injure themselves, and Hidan actually threatened to kill them, because he wanted to get to the Mist already and make some sacrifices with the fangick writers.

Sasuke scoffed. "Lead the way. We're here now."

"Yeah, what's the big deal? Just take us to this Yuuki girl!"

"Believe it!"

Deidara and Hidan walked ahead of them, as they entered a forest, the mist circling around their feet like a herd of ghosts, and the gnarled branches of the trees stretched out, as if trying to snatch them up.

There were crows in every single tree, eerily still and watchful, waiting for someth–

"Who be there?" Asked the most angelic to ever hit the Earth.

Naruto gasped.

Sakura gasped.

Sasuke scoffed.

Hidan scowled.

Deidara frowned.

When they swerved around, they were met by the slender figure of a person. How had that person sneaked up on two S-Class criminals, and a trio of skilful ninja like that?

Was that… was that even possible?

They stared excruciatingly at the person. "I am Yuuki," Said the person. She was covered from head to toe in a cloak – which happened to be made out of the finest of silk, and phoenix feathers – so that she could fly. (Even though ninjas could technically already do that….)

Even her face was completely covered.

"What the & #%!£ are you wearing that for?" Hidan asked rudely.

She said nothing.

"You're Yuuki, are you really?" Sakura asked hopefully.

Yuuki nodded the most graceful and elegant nod that could EVER be done, even when covered in cloth. "I truly am, Yuuki. And I know who you all are as well."

"Huh?" Naruto grunted, unconvinced. "Is she a psychic or something?"

Yuuki stepped forward, and in that movement, they could all just sense her…. her awesomeness. No, awesome was an understatement to describe what her unreal presence was like. They must go and find a better word in a thesaurus.

"I have come here, knowing that you were seeking my presence, just to make it easier for you," Said her melodic voice.

It was then that they noticed her bare ankles showing under the cloak. Her skin, oh her skin.

It was the purest of white, so haughtily ghostly, yet obviously the softest of silk once touched, that your fingers would slip off as if you were touching ice. But of course, her skin was nowhere near being like ice; it is the warmest thing you'll ever touch, bringing you eternal happiness and pleasure, if you just continue to stroke, and stroke, and stroke…..

It is so amazing that it even glistens in the sun, from 1-4 o'clock during the summer seasons, at an angle of about 147 degrees. In fact, if you were to touch this godly skin, you would probably have a heart attack and enter cardiac arrest, because of its oh-so unbearable perfectness, to the untrained hands.

Naruto was already having a nosebleed, and inappropriate thoughts were entering his mind, at just seeing her ankle.

It was then that they could all just about make out her eyes, from the folds of her cloak.

Her eyes. Oh, her eyes.

Noticing everyone trying to see her eyes, Yuuki just closed them, and said in an angelic voice, "They hold every kekkei genkai to ever exist. The Byakugan, Sharingan, Mangyeko Sharingan, Rinnegan, and all the others…"

Then, she added mysteriously, "… along with this secret bloodline limit called the All-Seeinggan, which is basically a rip off of the Sharingan, and Byakugan… "

But of course Yuuki doesn't really say that, or else she would be revealing her biggest secret.

Sasuke scoffed, and stated, "… You must be lying. Only Uchiha's have Sharingan, let alone _Mangyeko _Sharingan."

Yuuki laughed. "But what if I am an Uchiha, Sasuke? What if I am your younger sister – your long lost dear sister, whom you never knew about, huh?"

Snickers.

Whispers.

Nudging.

Pointing.

Teasing.

Cursing.

… and then silence.

Sasuke shook his head. "I don't have time for this stupidness, just tell us about these fanfic writers so that we can destroy them;"

Yuuki stomped her foot as gracefully as she could manage. "Sasuke! I can't believe this – you don't even care… if – if I _am _your own sister!"

"That's right."

Yuuki changed tactic. "… Oh, and did I tell you all that I'm also the jinjuriki of the Ten-Tails – the unknown beast, and the most deadliest of them all?"

Naruto exclaimed indignantly, "That's not true! And you shouldn't say it like that – as if it's something cool! Because it's not… you don't even _understand _what it's like to be a jinjuriki! We're just toys to you, aren't we? You use us in your fangficks and make us do things that we wouldn't actually do! I mean, if you're going to write about us, at least make it decent! Believe it!"

"& #%!£ YEAH!" Hidan agreed. He had had enough. "TO HELL WITH YOU MARY-SUES!"

He brought out his Triple-Bladed Scythe and pointed it right at her. But if course, instead of trembling in fear like any other normal person who wasn't mentally deranged would do, Yuuki remained calm, and didn't even flinch.

"SHOW YOUR TRUE "& #%!£ FORM! IF IT'S TRUE THAT ANYONE WHO LAYS THEIR EYES ON YOUR EXTREME BEAUTY WILL DIE, THEN IT WON'T WORK ON ME! I'M IMMORTAL, I WON'T DIE IF I SEE YOUR & #%!£ FACE!"

These are the moments in time when you just love Hindan, right?

So without even waiting for a response, and because Hidan is Hidan – the Hidan we love so much at this particular point of time – he slashes the cloak off Yuuki and immediately, starts laughing.

A scared-to-death teenager sat amongst the folds of the cloak – which looked strikingly like a cosplay costume – and was whimpering hysterically. "I-I just wanted to feel what it was like to be a real ninja! Please don't hurt me!"

"Time to die kid!"

Deidara did nothing to stop Hidan as he drew back the blade, and the mere none-ninja teenager in front of them could do nothing, but pray for her life.

"…. Now THAT'S what you behave like in front of the Akatsuki, yeah!" Deidara stated sardonically. "… Hidan, let me blow her to bits after yo–"

The Naruto trio had finally regained their senses, after coming to terms with what had just happened, and Sakura jumped up. "NO! Wait,"

She kneeled in front of the trembling teenager, and looked closely at her.

"She… might have information for us! About the fanfic writers!" Sakura finished, and turning back to the girl, she said, "… can you tell us anything about them? Where they are, their skill level, etcetera."

The girl was too petrified to speak.

Sasuke scoffed. "She's traumatised."

Naruto nodded. "You better just teleport her over to the Leaf, send her straight to the medical core or something…."

Sakura nodded, and began to make the seals, only to be interrupted by Hidan.

"Why don't you just kill her? Less effort." He said, shrugging.

Naruto shook his head. "Look Hidan-teme, we'll find another way to locate these fangick writers! Just you wait! Believe it!"

"Yeah, and they better start getting ready – I'd even go into hiding if I were them!"

"… uhm! I'll show them a piece of my mind! Art is a bang, yeah! I'll make the biggest explosion!"

"Heh, heh, they better sleep with their eyes open – we'll be coming to get them soon!"

XXXX

After sending the poor imposter girl who had supposedly come out of nowhere back to the Leaf, they all decided to just go to the Akatsuki base because it was closer.

Sakura had protested, saying that it wasn't in the deal to go to their base, but grudgingly accepted.

Hopefully they weren't going to pull something dodgy on them.

"… I've just sent a letter to Tsunade to tell her everything that has happened so far, and where we are – hopefully she'll understand. She should reply within the next twenty-four hours." Sakura summarised.

But Sasuke wasn't listening. He seemed very on edge, all the way to the base.

When they got there, Deidara showed them their rooms, while Hidan wondered off, cursing about how he didn't get to make any sacrifices. "… and why the & #%!£ are we letting them stay at this & #%!£ base anyway? TO HELL WITH THESE TAINTED PEOPLE!"

Deidara rolled his eyes, as he led Sasuke around a corner to his room.

_… uhm! Itachi's room here we come! Hahahahaaa…_

Sasuke walked on boredly, completely oblivious to whose room Deidara would be making him sleep in.

Just as Deidara reached for the door handle, a swirly orange mask popped up in front of him.

"Deidara-sempai! Tobi was so worried! You're back! You're back! You're ba – "

"Shut up, yeah!"

"Deidara-senpai! Deidara-senpai! OW! DEIDARA-SENPAAAAAAAAAAI!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything as he ignored the absurd bickering and went into the room himself….

Nothing about the room seemed unusual – it was just plain. A plain room. What was so special about that?

The only thing that Sasuke found a bit odd, was the way Deidara and Tobi kept sneaking glances at him, and failing miserably at containing their snickers. It was as if they were anticipating a reaction from him.

But Sasuke just kept his expression blank. He felt as if he was missing something big? As if his earlier edginess about coming to the base, was somehow connected to this room…

….no, nothing. He couldn't think of any reason why he shouldn't go and sleep in this room.

Sasuke already knew that Deidara had taken an instant disliking to him from the moment they encountered, but the way he was just standing at the doorway and anticipating what was about to happen couldn't help but make him feel a BIT uneasy.

"What… Why are you still here?" Sasuke snapped coldly.

Deidara stopped laughing, and glared.

"Oh, Tobi just wants to make sure that you'll settle in well, Sasuke-kun!" Tobi chirped up immediately.

But it didn't cross Sasuke's mind that Tobi-really-just-wanted-the-exact-opposite-and-wasn't-really-as-he-seemed.

But hey, it was the Akatsuki base. What should he expect?

"…Get out – now."

XXXX

So it wasn't until Itachi and Kisame returned from their mission, that the night finally came alive.

Oh what a surprise it must have been, for Itachi to have found Sasuke curled up in his bed. Whoever's sick joke this was, would have to pay.

"Sasuke?"

He murmured something incoherent in his sleep. "Go away, big brother… just – just five more minutes!"

Sasuke turned other irritably, annoyed that someone had dared to disturb his sleep….

….that is, until he realised that Itachi couldn't really be who was waking him up, unless–

"ITACHI!"

* * *

**QUIZ: WHAT DO YA WANT ME TO DO WITH SASUKE AND ITACHI?**

A) Sasuke tries to kill him, and Itachi fights back. And then he dies.

B) Sasuke tries to kill him, and Itachi stops him, immobilizes him, messes with his brain using Mangyeko Sharingan, then throws him out of the bed, and sleeps, deciding he's too tired for this crap.

C) Ooooor, Itachi fights him – then before Sasuke can ultimately decide his fate, he tells him the truth and they live happily ever after.

D) Other. (Sate what you want to happen)

E) OOR the alternative. If you choose E, then I get to decide what happens and it'll be a big surprise – that could either make your day, or make you want to throw things at me (preferably cookies, not rotten tomatoes).

**A/N: **OBVIOUSLY the side-story plot was a bit exaggerated – I mean, if the Naruto gang and the Akatsuki really _did_ meet… *shudders*… it wouldn't go on as easily as that!

THE REVIEWS WERE WONDERFUL! Keep the suggestions coming – for both the side-story and letters!

Now I had a lot of suggestions last chapter. Some people asked me to do Minato, which I would have done, except I haven't read enough Minato fics to be able to write in his character.

Someone asked for InoShikaCho – well I have good news for you! Go to my profile, I have a story called _Tsuki Risng _and it's the third chapter you want! I think someone asked for Sasuke VS Neji, and again, it's _Tsuki Rising _but chapter two! If anyone wants a Sakura bashing, it's _Tsuki Rising _chapter one!

… And blah. I'm too tired to write a proper Author's Note – have mercy! This chapter was a long one, so I hope that you all found it ok!

Oh, and show your support by reading my story called _Am I Stronger? _It's a SakuSasu fic, but NOT a romance – an adventure story! ^^ :D

….And bye!

KEEP THE SUGGESTIONS COMING!


	18. Finale: Neji, Konan and Sasori

**A/N: **The reviews and contributions for last chapter and this WHOLE FIC over-all were much appreciated. I read and took into consideration all my reviews, so thank you for the support and ideas!

_Inuyonas_ I've taken up your offer on making you one of the main antagonists for Neji's letter this chapter! Loved your story _WHO DID IT _btw! It had me laughing straight-off-the-beat! I RECOMMEND THIS STORY TO EVERYONE! Loved it, update! ^^ :D

I've also used your idea too _risen truth ruthless lies_'s on uchiacest for a small part of the side-story, so thanks for your inspiration! ^^ :D

…ENJOY!

* * *

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

Hyuugas don't faint. They just don't. Now don't even bother mentioning Hinata to me because she is a failure, and anyway she is fated to be disowned by Hiashi-sama soon enough, so _that_ won't be a problem.

Second of all, I've known Hinata all my life. (Well since I was five.) The closest she's ever been to shouting, is those minuscule squeaks she makes when she sees the Kuubi Container – and why she has interest in that second failure, I don't know.

In addition to this, why would I even have the slightest flicker of interest in my female teammate Tenten? Are you that senseless to not understand that Hyuugas can only marry other Hyuugas? The whole ordeal would just be pointless, to be honest.

Furthermore, just what's your problem with Hinata and me? She is MY COUSIN, and from the MAIN HOUSE. Why would I have interest in her when I had wanted to _kill_ her during the Chunin exams?

Another person you seem to think I have feelings for… is Lee.

Just what is wrong with you?

I do not go after my own teammates, much less men. Just… just remember that next time – you sick minded people.

And for your information, Hyuuga males have too much pride at stake to be voicing their affection for desirable people left right and centre. Just keep that in mind next time as well.

You make me out to be a preacher of fate. Does saying that someone is 'fated' something just as a figure of speech, really turn me into a preacher/psychic/priest? Pitiful.

Neji

P.S. You are all fated for failure. -_-

**SIDE STORY PART V**

"ITACHI!"

The older Uchiha merely blinked. "You've changed, Sasuke."

Sasuke said nothing. All of a sudden he found that he'd lost his voice completely, even though there was so much he wanted to say to Itachi. Like how he was going to kill him.

Itachi mistook Sasuke's silence. "The fanfics have made it awkward, haven't they? We are alone… in a room. With a bed." Itachi added. "Doesn't that bother you, foolish little brother? Haven't you read the fanfics about us?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth together but stood his ground. "You wouldn't dare…"

"Ah, but how do you know that I won't, Sasuke?" Said Itachi quietly, as he walked closer.

Sasuke realised to his horror that he was still in the bed.

He. Had. To. Get. Out. Now. And before Itachi could get any closer. Sasuke was scared out of his mind as he fumbled with the covers – which were surprisingly hard to get out of now that he was panicking.

Itachi continued to speak, moving even closer. "How do you know that those fanfics haven't inspired me to… view you in a different light, Sasuke? As a puppet to fulfil me desires…"

But he merely lifted his hand and flicked Sasuke on the forehead. "We shall settle this properly later. Now get out of my room."

Sasuke finally regained some of his senses. "What? NO! I'LL KILL YOU FIRST! DIE ITACHI!"

The older Uchiha sighed, knowing that he should have expected this reaction. He couldn't toy with Sasuke anymore. The buttering him up psychologically tact wasn't working.

The younger Uchiha was already creating Chidori, and clutching his arm that held the powerful lightening tightly.

"I have waited all my life for this moment," Sasuke's eyes were malicious and full of hate. "I WILL GET MY REVENGE!"

He charged forward pumping all the chakra that he could muster into his feet, but Itachi merely stood where he was, not bothering to put up any kind of defence.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Maybe it was just a clone?

He soon found out, however, that it was _not _a clone. Itachi merely brushed Sasuke's wrist aside, so that it plummeted into the opposing wall.

"DAMN YOU ITACHI!"

Sasuke wrenched his fist free, ignoring Itachi as he tried to calm him down and make him listen.

"… Sasuke, you need to stop this. I will fight you as much as you want if you would just hear what I have to say first," Then Itachi added, "always foolish, little brother. Never let your emotions get the better of yo—

"—but _YOU_ told me to be hateful! SO SHUT UP, DAMMIT!"

Sasuke had had enough. His patience just wasn't having any of it.

He pulled out two giant shuriken and threw them at Itachi, already pulling out the next batch.

CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

"… Sasuke, you're attacks aren't strong enough. They won't work on me – especially when you're throwing them recklessly on the influence of your emotions." Itachi said, from his position squatted on-top of one of the points of a giant shuriken that was half-wedged in a wall.

As Itachi busied himself by fending off yet even more kunais, a thought crossed his mind and he couldn't help but ask.

Seizing the opportunity the moment Sasuke had reached into his scroll for something else of the dangerous kind, Itachi spoke up;

"Who was it that told you to sleep in this room?"

"…That doesn't matter! JUST FIGHT ME AND WE'LL SEE WHO'S THE TRUE UCHIHA HERE!"

Itachi sighed. It would be a long night. But the idiot who dared to tell Sasuke that it was alright to sleep in his room, would have to pay dearly…

Meanwhile Deidara was innocently moulding something in his room when he happened to suddenly sneeze. _Hmmm… _

XXX

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

You make me too 'OOC'. When in the series have I ever said more than five lines? Get your facts straight, it's pitiful…

Also, why would I have interest higher than comradery for Pein? He was just an orphan like me, and we grouped for survival purposes.

Life is harsh.

Anything I do for Pein is for the fact that I owe him, even with my soul.

I want peace, but you nutcases have spoilt it. By the looks of it, we'll be waging war against you fangfick people.

Konan

P.S. I know you're not ninja. I've told Pein. We're changing tactic…

XXX

It was like a bomb had exploded when they all found out the truth.

"THEY'RE NOT EVEN & #%!£ NINJA!" Hidan yelled. "WHAT THE & #%!£ ?"

It was one o'clock at night and all the Akatsuki members were gathered in a dark room, where Pein their leader stood mysteriously in front of them. Naruto and Sakura were also there.

Pein nodded calmly to Hidan, as if excepting that sort of reaction from him, and spoke. "You are _all_ expected to go and relocate them. With the information that they aren't ninja, this mission may become more complicated. We will be accompanied by the three Leaf ninja here on this mission, and only for this mission." Pein added quietly, making sure to put an empathises on 'only', although he didn't spare a glance at Naruto or Sakura. But they got the picture anyway.

Several members grumbled under their breaths at hearing this, but Naruto and Sakura took no notice.

Pein continued. "this mission has nothing to do with the Akatsuki's goal, but for revenge purposes. No one is being forced into this, and that is why I must add that you will not be given payment for the completion of this assassination task,"

Kakuzu growled deep within his throat. No pay? Well he wasn't budging an inch, no matter what had been written about _him_…

Naruto and Sakura were tiredly listening on to Pein's drowning voice. C'mon, it was one o'clock at night! Who had mission briefings at THIS time? Seriously, didn't the Akatsuki sleep or anything?

"Uh-huh," Naruto murmured noncommittally to Pein, his head accidently rolling onto Sakura's shoulder. Luckily, she was too tired to violently remove his unwelcomed bridge of privacy from her personal space.

"Hold on a sec, where's Sasuke?" Naruto suddenly asked, as the other members of Akatsuki began to file out of the dark room, one by one. Pein had finished the briefing.

"Yeah, Itachi should be here too," Kisame added curiously, just as he passed them.

"Uh-Oh…" Sakura muttered under her breath, putting two and two together. "Sasuke and Itachi both gone…. this could only mean one thing….."

As Naruto and Sakura drowned in these thoughts of misery – would Sasuke come out alive? No – would his body still be intact when it was recovered? – a blonde-haired terrorist came up to them.

He smirked smugly. "I reckon they're both probably dead by now to be honest, yeah…"

Sakura's eyes suddenly filled with rage as the pieces of a puzzle clicked together in her mind. Deidara… Deidara was responsible for something… he was guilty.

She suddenly felt less tired than before. Tossing Naruto aside, she stepped forward and jabbed a finger in Deidara's chest.

"You!" Sakura hissed lowly. "You're the one who… who did something! I just know it!"

Deidara said nothing, and could only reflect on how much this pinkette's mere finger on his chest was torturing him right now…

"Now I don't know what it was you did – in fact, I really don't care! Just go back and make things go back to the way they were, alright? We've already lost Sasuke once, and we're NOT losing him again, got it punk?"

Deidara nodded meekly. _Feisty, uhm! Like a work of art about to blast…_

As Deidara hurriedly left their presence, Naruto seemed to stir and wake up from his position on the floor.

"Uhumm mumm uhh huhh!" Naruto murmured incoherently. Finally, he regained his senses and spoke more clearly. "Sakura? Hey Sakura, why the furious face?"

"This face!" She screeched heatedly. "You mean to tell me, that I'm looking angry for no reason – even though you've just slept through something crucial! I've sent Deidara to go and fix things with Sasuke and Itachi, BAKA! Aren't you worried about him?" Sakura added in a small whisper. "What if he's already dead?"

She was finally breaking. No matter how hard she tried to hide it, no matter how many times she blamed it on her petty childhood hormones coming back – there was definitely something there, and it was care.

She actually cared about that cold, heartless, undeserving, bastard – Sasuke. Would he really be strong enough to match Itachi?

XX

The pinkette had been so scary that Deidara had obliged to her threat immediately. He was already standing in front of the door to Itachi's room.

He couldn't hear anything at all. It was completely silent. What were they doing inside there?…...

Deidara shrugged and tossed the door open, only to freeze.

There stood Itachi, standing right in front of Sasuke. Their eyes were locked, but from even there it was obvious that Itachi had Sasuke fixated in a doujutsu of the sort. Tsukuyomi maybe? It was one of the most powerful genjutsu to ever exist…

Deidara couldn't help but be in a momentary trance with those eyes. Those damn EYES!

Had they noticed him yet? And what the heck was he supposed to do anyway? The pinkette hadn't left him any instructions… so what was stopping him from just leaving?

Deidara turned away, only to be frozen by Itachi's voice. "Stay there,"

"Why should I listen to _you_, ye—

Deidara was cut off, because Sasuke suddenly moved. His head jerked at Deidara's voice, and he was slowly losing his grip on consciousness. Any moment now and he'd just collapse onto the ground.

Knowing that the genjutsu was already getting to his head, Sasuke forced himself to speak, knowing that he just had to tell Itachi …

"It… was … was him!" Sasuke managed to mutter, before he blacked out and fell onto the ground.

From those three mere words, Itachi knew what Sasuke had meant.

Deidara. It had been _Deidara_.

He had told Sasuke to sleep here.

Itachi's head, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, slowly, (like in a scary, suspension, tension-filled movie), turned. His eyes were burning with an emotion that I'm afraid I cannot describe.

Deidara suddenly stiffened. Something in his instincts was screeching d-a-n-g-e-r…..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was later on made known that Deidara had a phobia of mutated crows flying around his head every time he blinked or closed his eyes. They were especially scary when they grew out of the mouths on his hands, and tried to peck at his face….

Itachi's genjutsu revenge was evil…..

XXX

The next morning everyone woke up (sullen-faced from the one o'clock mission briefing) to go down to the kitchen for some food, only to find that the room was completely buried in rubble.

Hidan was furious. "How the &#% —

"Just shut up already, uhm!" Deidara whimpered as he too walked in. The genjutsu still tormented him even now. He hadn't even gotten a wink of sleep. Who knew that pulling one minuscule prank would lead to this? Ok, maybe bringing together two homicidal brothers who happened to want the other's neck wasn't very well-thought-through…

"What happened here?" Naruto asked curiously, as he and Sakura entered. "It looks like someone let loose a bull or something…"

Just at that moment, two more ninjas joined them in the half-buried room.

It was Sasuke and Itachi.

Sasuke and Itachi?

SASUKE AND ITACHI!

"What the—?" Hidan began. "Am I missing something here?"

Deidara nodded weakly in agreement. Hadn't he'd seen Itachi knock out Sasuke using Tsukuyomi with his own eyes only hours ago? Why was the younger Uchiha even still conscious? Was it all a trick somehow?

And most importantly – with Sasuke standing there completely fine against all odds of physics – why weren't they at each other's necks?

"You may want to know why we're not at each other's necks," Itachi began quietly. "and this is because of one simple reason. Sasuke knows the truth and accepts it."

"What truth?" Naruto piped up uncertainly.

"I showed him using the Tsukuyomi a vision of the night when I was given the order to eliminate the Uchiha clan by Danzo. He saw it all."

There was a silence, in which Itachi broke awkwardly. "The battle that I had before Sasuke would listen to me, however, got a bit out of hand," Itachi indicated to the room that they were standing in which was virtually buried in rubble from the ceiling.

"You two did this?" Kakuzu queried darkly. "The kitchen of all rooms in this dump-hole?"

"Deal with it." Sasuke growled back. "… Come on Itachi, let's go someplace else."

"Oh no you don't!" Sakura snapped, as she rose to her full height and stopped him. "first of all, _don't you realise how worried we were? _You could have died! And secondly, Tsunade's written back – I've just received her letter! Don't you want to know what she thinks of all _this_?" Sakura asked, and added more quietly, "—you know! Our alliance with the Akatsuki!"

"Hn. Fine. Whatever." Sasuke bit back grudgingly. He had just been reunited with his brother after all this time, and all he wanted was to spend some quality time – but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooo.

Itachi would JUST have to wait.

"Pass it here, Sakura!" Naruto chirped up.

He seized the letter and opened it.

_To Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke,_

_ARE YOU COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MINDS? _**COME BACK TO KONOHA IMMEDIATELY! **_WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, WORKING WITH THE AKATUSKI? __**IT'S CLEARLY A TRAP! **__I AM SO DISAPOINTED – ESPECIALLY WITH YOU, SAKURA! _

_NOW YOU'RE BUTTS BETTER BE HERE WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS – AND WITH A GOOD EXPLANATION – BECAUSE I AM WELL PREPARED TO MARCH DOWN THERE RIGHT NOW AND BRING YOU BACK MYSELF! DO YOU HEAR ME? _

_COMPLETELY OUTRAGEOUS! _

_Tsunade _

Sakura's shoulders sagged. "…She wants us to return to Konoha immediately, but Pein just gave us a new mission last night—

"At one o'clock to be exact..." Naruto muttered dully, also looking down.

"The Hokage just doesn't understand," Sasuke added, "and that doesn't help things because I'm not leaving without Itachi. You two can go back to Konoha and explain…"

"WHAT?!" Naruto spluttered indignantly. "Why don't you go, huh teme?"

"Weren't you listening? I just said that I wasn't leaving without Itachi – and he can't set foot in Konoha without being sentenced to death, dobe…"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

Sakura sighed. WHY did she get a team with two boys?...

Swiftly she pulled them apart – they had been glaring at each other, nose-to-nose.

"There's no point in arguing, alright? Just look at it this way: it's better that we all return and convince Tsunade that we made the right decision in helping the Akatsuki from there. She'll relax knowing that we're back and safe, and maybe we'll have a chance at persuading her. For the time being, we'll leave it to the Akatsuki to relocate these fanfic writers…"

"Awww, but where's the fun in that? C'mon Sakura – what about our Revenge Squad? You know better than I do that these Akatsuki members aren't capable of finding the fangfick writers like we are!"

At this, several members loudly voiced their indignant objections to that comment, but the noise soon died down.

Seeing Sasuke's stubborn expression, Itachi stepped forward and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Go with them. We will be reunited again, foolish little brother. I promise you that,"

XXX

And thus the Naruto trio returned to Konoha empty stomached – thanks to the buried kitchen in the Akatsuki hideout. But hey, no one was complaining – partly because it was Sasuke's fault and he automatically gets forgiven, even though he hadn't bothered to ask to be forgiven in the first place… they were just too kind, really.

"I still can't believe this! Believe it!" Naruto yelled out-of-the-blue as they moved, with a deeply troubled expression.

"Naruto, we're nearly at the Leaf now, so it's not like there's any turning back, alright!"

"Hn."

"Oh whatever! But I'll get those fangfick writers back one day! That's a promise!"

When they got to Konoha and walked nervously to the Hokage office, the first thing they noticed was how there was a chair sticking out of the office door…

"Did Tsunade-baachan get attacked or something?" Naruto said, as he struggled to yank the door open.

"… Give it here," Sakura told him, seizing the handle firmly and gathering chakra in her hand. "… _I'll_ get it to open,"

BANG!

The door went flying aside, as Sakura flexed her fingers proudly. But her happiness was short-lived.

Because waiting for them inside – like a ravenous bull – was the Hokage….

….o-oh. -_-

XXX

**Dear Naruto fanfiction writers,**

I am not a puppet.

Well metaphorically speaking I am, but that doesn't give you the means to think that you can manipulate me to do your twisted bidding in fanfics!

No human can understand what's it's like to truly be a puppet… So I've decided that I'm going to become what you call a 'troll'. Just to demonstrate how annoying it is for me to see my name tagged along with Deidara's in a 'Lemon' – or reading about how I fall in love with that pink-haired brat who DEFEATED me…

Post this on your profile if you think DeiSaso shouldn't exist.

Post this on your profile if you think Deidara shouldn't exist.

Post this on your profile if you think you are deranged and shouldn't exist.

Post this on your profile if you think you're manipulative and should just stop it.

Post this on your profile if you think humans should be used as puppets.

Post this on your profile if you support orphans.

Post this on your profile if you're from Suna and you think that the village should be destroyed.

Post this on your profile if you're a member of the Akatsuki.

Post this on your profile if you DON'T support AkatsukiKittens.

Post this on your profile if you support flamers! They know best, and they should be praised for their nastiness to you! 3 3

Post this on your profile if you hate pink-haired ***&***%***!***£***$***#****&***, like Haruno Sakura for instance.

Post this on your profile if you think red-heads are hot…

Sasori

P.S. Die.

* * *

**A/N: **There you have it – that's the final chapter. ^^ :D Ok, now before you plot to kill me – mainly because I said this fic would last 20 chapters – you must know that I've put my heart out for this fic and now feels right to just… just end it, ya know what I mean? ^^ :D I hope you liked this chapter!

First I would just like to recommend a story similar to this one – where the Naruto characters write letters to us – because I read it before I even became an author on fanfiction and it made me LAUGH! It's called: _Dear Writers, _by _LoVe-WiLl-fInD-a-WaY _

Another thing I want to say is _thank you _and _sorry _because I haven't written letters for some of the characters that a few of you would have wanted to see! I'm really happy with this fic though – the first I've completed so far! ^^ :D

If you don't believe me, then just check out my bloomin' profile! Speaking of my profile… you can make me smile by adding me to your author alerts, reading one of my other stories etcetera. It's up to you. ^^ :D

I don't have plans for a sequel as of yet… but if I get have lots of people asking me to, and if I feel guilt tripped enough to do so, then MAYBE. Who says it isn't possible, huh? Keep a look-out! ^^ :D

The last thing that I'd like to say is that I wish for EVERYONE to acknowledge this: Like I said in the very first chapter, I mean no offence to anyone by what's been said in these letters from me on behalf of the Naruto characters. Seriously, don't take _ANYTHING_ that I've said personally, it was just for fun, this is a CRACK/PARODY fic!

Anyway, I can't say that I didn't enjoy writing out all the death threats to you all from the Naruto cast – it was a lot of fun writing this fic! ^^ :D Hope you all enjoyed it!

Ja ne!

P.S. **WHOSE LETTER WAS YOUR FAVOURITE?**


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